Sometimes things don't work out quite how I plan

I like to plan things, I'm a pretty analytic person by nature - I like to know what's happening and when and what the likely outcome will be. If something isn't working out, I like to work out how to fix it. I'm a problem solver and I generally like routine and order.

This weekend Meg and I decided to do a sew-a-long - we bought bought the Chloe Pattern from Victory Patterns. I even had a general idea of where I was going with the pattern and what I wanted it to look like when it was finished.

I spent FOREVER on Saturday sticking together the pattern and cutting it out (my most hated part of buying PDF patterns online) but I knew once that was done I'd be all ready to go for a Sunday sewing day.

But Sunday is when disaster struck, I was able to cut out the pattern (I'm making it from an old bed sheet that I thought was really cool) but that's pretty much all I was able to do. Once I cut the pattern out I was totally exhausted.

The reason why? Well its something I've lived with for years now - I've got Endometriosis. I don't really talk about it much on here as I don't like it get the better of me. In general, I'm a pretty positive person which has helped me deal with having endometriosis - I was "officially" diagnosed when I was 27 (although I had known long before that something was wrong) and I've had to have two surgeries for endometriosis.

I go to the gym quite a lot (at least 5 times a week) and I also try and eat as well as I can - the reason for this is that if I don't look after myself then my Endometriosis gets really bad. I've had times in my life where I have been in pain every waking hour and taking codeine every day and its no life at all. It's much easier to get inspired to go to the gym at 6:00 - 6:30 five times a week when you know the alternative is going to be pretty terrible.

Lately I have been much better - I've had generally 2 or 3 "bad" days a month, but they have been manageable. I've been feeling like things are under "control". Some women have the same surgery that I've had and their pain is literally gone. I envy those women! I've had two surgeries and whilst they have helped (I'm not in constant pain every day) they haven't "cured" my problem. I can't cure my problems (unless I have a hysterectomy) so I have to try and manage them the best I can.

But sometimes - it just gets the better of me, the pain is fairly terrible, that's for sure. But even worse than the pain is the sheer exhaustion. When your body is in a lot of pain for days at a time, you simply become exhausted and eventually you just have to stop and rest because there's nothing else you can do.

Today my body just told me I had to stop for a while - after I cut out my fabric, I just felt so exhausted. I just couldn't do any more. There were lots of other little projects I have on the go at the moment,  but I simply did not have the energy to do any of them. The thought of picking up an embroidery hoop and needle even made me feel tired.

Apart from the pain and the tiredness the thing that makes me most crazy about having this disease is that at times I can't control it and I get frustrated as I want to get out there and live my life but at times I just can't do the things I want to do, I HAVE to rest. I can think of times I've had to miss out events like friends birthdays and other celebrations due to my endometriosis and its been pretty terrible.

So today, rather than whipping up a new and fabulous dress, I spent most of the day looking at craft stuff on the internet and watching Community on DVD. Not exactly the most exciting day ever, but unfortunately, sometimes I have to take it easy.

Here's hoping I'll be feeling a little more like myself tomorrow and that I can get onto the "belated" sew-a-long later this week.